→ From ages 15-19, I have been, sarcastic, quiet, SUPER funny, and an awesome cashier. I have received only 3 complaints concerning my awesomeness in all of my years of service. HOWEVER, I certainly have built up a plethora of complaints about you people! Now, as (yet another) act of awesome service, I am going to break down the 5 easiest ways to guarantee ultimate hatred from your cashier of choice. Here we go! 😉
→ 1. Complain to me more about the prices: “Well yes, sir, I DO control the prices here, and I will happily change them for you!!” Yeah, how about NO. I am the absolute bottom of the food chain here, Buddy. See, when I’m not listening to you complain, I’m back in aisle four, cleaning up the puke your slimy kid spewed all over the Hallmark cards.
→ 2. Ignore me when I read your order back to you, then yell at me when I hand you what I heard you say: I read your order back to you, because it is the 50 millionth one I’ve heard today, and chances are I misheard one part, or maybe even, (God forbid), you ordered something you didn’t mean to order. In short, I’m trying to save us both time, by making sure we make/get what you ordered correctly, instead of all that hassle later when you explain angrily that I should know that Frappuccinos are actually hot drinks*, and that I, the BARISTA, have absolutely no idea what I’m doing.
→ 3. Hand me that nasty boob-sweat/purse-linted/cigarette-ash-covered/dripping-spit money: Yeah you people know who you are. You keep your money in that oh-so convenient spot where it gets all sorts of nasty, and then you hand it to the cornered cashier. SO GROSS. Money is already dirty without you keeping it stored away in your armpit cleavage. Then there’s the people that keep credit cards in their mouths, ones who practically hand me the lit end of their cigarettes with their payment, the ones who wipe their noses with the money before they hand it to me, and even the people who cough/sneeze directly on to their money before they hand it to me. If you want to get nasty with your money, at LEAST do it where I don’t have to watch and then pray that you don’t have some deadly-to-me disease. Clean people: I LOVE YOU.
→ 4. Tell me that I look like your ex-lover: Oh yes, whisper more sweet nothings in my ear. I’m glad to know that I remind you of someone who you A) Hit and Quit, B) Had Your Heart Broken By, or C) Hope to Have Sex With Again. And FYI, it really doesn’t help that you look older than my dad. Note: This also applies to you creeps who say I look like your daughter, and then ask me out. That is gross, also “Don’t hit on family! That’s just lazy.”
→ 5. Talk to me like I’m not a fellow human being: This one is my favorite. The other day, a woman walked up to my register and barked out, “Pumpkin. Grande.” Confused, wondering if I missed a word, I say, “Excuse me?” She repeats herself, and her husband echoes her, exactly the same way. “I’m sorry, miss. Did you want a brewed coffee with pumpkin, a latte, a frappuccino, or just an iced drink?” Her husband begins to YELL at me, calling me stupid and rude, because nobody orders anything other than the pumpkin latte, and how I just wanted to be a bitch. I say sorry, as I’m obliged to, rung up the drink and had someone else finish the order. People, we don’t need please or thank you, really, we just need you to speak to us not at us, because we can’t and don’t want to read your mind. Hell, even just, “I need a…,” “I would like a…,” Is frikin’ awesome.
→ Well there ya have it, folks, and as always, thank you and “Have a great day!” 😉
→ *For you non-coffee drinkers, Frappuccinos are milk- or soy-based blended ice drinks.